previous .: Blog :. next   09.07.2008    Coppertone kiddie porn I've seen this product for years in the store, and I finally realized that like a lot of things in our society- if it was to come out today it would not be allowed. It would probably be considered child pornography. But at least it is better than the less politically correct native american advertising they were doing before with the slogan "Don't be a paleface!". Check out the Wiki article. 08.13.2008    Wedding Voyeurs The wedding reception tradition of tapping on your glass to get the bride and groom to kiss- am I the only one that finds it a little voyeuristic? It seems to happen regardless of the couple. Some couples are shy and nervous being in such a public role. For many people they have never kissed in public before. I think if you were to throw the bride up on the head table and start dry humping her when people clinked their glasses, it would probably only happen once. 08.10.2008    Mountain Dew I think Mountain Dew must come from the mountains in Candy Land. It is delicious, but imagine going for a morning hike in Candy Land, and by the time you return, your legs are soaked with the morning dew, sweet, sticky, delicious dew. 08.07.2008    Patsy Was there a person named Patsy who took the fall for something big? It could have been an Irish guy, and that is also where the term "Fall Guy" comes from. 08.07.2008    The clothes make the politics If you find yourself fighting with a group of people to defend something, and you aren't sure if you are the good guys or bad guys, all you have to do is look at what you are wearing. If you are wearing the same outfit as everybody around you, and you weren't embarrassed by that when you got to work, then you are probably the bad guy. If you are part of the rag-tag group of rebels trying to defend your home world, or you are launching an attack on the enemy stronghold to rescue your friends, or steal the plans to the new super weapon that is about ready to change to balance of power in the galaxy... you don't have time to order uniforms. You don't have time to design them, find a color scheme everybody can agree on. And you probably don't have the money to buy them even if there was time. You are the underdog. And if there is one thing I have learned from TV and movies, it is because of that underdog status that you will win. Maybe that is why I don't like to wear a tie to work like everybody else. 08.04.2008    Man of Science, Man of Faith As you may be aware- I'm a huge fan of the ABC show LOST. One of the big themes of the show is the relationship between science and faith. I used to put myself into the science category without thinking too much about it. Faith is something for the more religious types. Science is a crutch for the rest of us. It lets us find understanding without relying on faith. But in science there is faith that can be abused. Science is based on observation, and repeatable experimentation. That is pure science. Once that part is done, it is recorded and handed down from scientists to the rest of us. I don't have a good way to observe atomic structure in my home lab. I may have a magnifying glass around here somewhere, but it isn't quite as powerful as the electron microscopes they claim to have used to see deeper into the true nature of the universe. I believe that someone has done it, and that given the right equipment, I would be able to do it also. I have faith that they aren't making it up, and that it isn't some kind of conspiracy. I have faith that the moon landing was real. I personally don't have proof- I wasn't there. I couldn't observe it. There is video footage, but that can be faked. So maybe I am a man of Faith as well. Last night as I was getting ready for bed, the idea came to me again. I have a lot of faith in my daily life. I have faith when I get into bed that there aren't any monsters under it that will grab my feet. I have faith that the cat won't attack me in my sleep. When Gina is already in bed asleep, and I open the closet in the dark so as not to wake her- I have faith that there aren't ninjas, or monsters, or psychos in there waiting to do me harm. I have faith that the electrical devices in my home won't short out while I'm asleep and burn down the house. I have faith that the electronics I surround myself with every day aren't giving me cancer. I'm not saying I think they are doing anything good for me, like aligning my aura, or protecting me from cosmic radiation or government mind control. There are people out there who wear magnetic bracelets with the faith that they are helping, and maybe they are, but what if you put it on backwards- if the electromagnetic field can heal one way, wouldn't it do harm the other way? I have faith in my DVR, that it will record my shows when I am not home. I have faith that a locked door will offer some amount of protection. I know that my home isn't ever going to be secure, but I still lock the door. When I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I have faith that I remembered to close the blinds, or at least that my neighbors are asleep, or more likely that they won't care enough to see me in my night clothes to look into my window. And as all of these things are racing around in my head, I have one final thought, one thing to have faith in that lets me find rest. That is that I will have time tomorrow to accomplish all the things that still need to be done, and that I have done all I can for tonight. There may not be any science behind it, and it may not be true, but my faith allows me to sleep better at night. 07.31.2008    Count Chocula and Friends Of all the breakfast cereals, I think Count Chocula is the most conceited. If you walk down the cereal aisle in the grocery store, you will see a lot of cereals with cartoon characters on them. I'm sure this has to do with appealing to children and childish adults. You have the Trix rabbit, Tony the tiger, Toucan Sam... but all of these characters have one thing in common- they represent the cereal, the cereal isn't them. If you look at Count Chocula, right there on the box is his face. The count is the cereal. And while occasionally you have something like Barbi cereal where it is also the character, those seem to show the character with a bowl of the cereal, and the bowl is at least half the size of the box. This doesn't leave much room for the character. Not the Count- he has his face full size on the box. And while I'm talking about the Count- it brings up several other thoughts. He wears a cape. I don't want to get too far into this right now, but I think people who wear capes are seeking attention. In the old days it might have helped keep your shoulders warm (why not the rest of your body?) but now it is just for show. Where is he a Count? Is there a village somewhere that he rules with a cereal fist? Milk and chocolatey cereal where his platform? Or are you born into this chocolate empire? Is it just me, or is he similar to Count Dracula? Is this sweet cereal a cover for a sinister undead monster? If his vision doesn't show up on film or mirrors, at least we get his picture on the cereal box. And while we are at it- if he is a vampire, wouldn't it make more sense to have the milk turn red instead of chocolate? It could be strawberry. I guess the test marketing didn't have good results with a guy in a pink cape. It probably sent the wrong signals. Besides, the Count has a friend in pink Frankenberry to attract that demographic. Even if they could make it a dark red, and the milk looked like blood as the cereal sat- how messed up would a kid be if they started their day like that? The other cereal character that I have a lot of respect for is Captain Crunch. For him it isn't about the personality, it is all about the job. He is a military man with a distinguished career in the breakfast battles. He worked his way up the ranks from the days when he was just Private Crunch. Some day he may make Admiral, but for him it isn't a promotion that gets him up and on that box every day. It is the pride in the floating branch of service. For him that may mean floating in milk, but the war is still the same. Did he see active duty? Did he ever have to defend a piece of fruit in a bowl from cereal pirates... we will probably never know. Unlike BooBerry, the Captain won't be writing a tell all book. 07.31.2008    Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers (by Mother Goose) Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers; A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked; If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked? I'm not going to try to get you to say it three times fast or anything like that. I'm just going to ask about the validity of it. According to thefreedictionary.com, as well as common knowledge, a peck is a unit of dry volume or capacity. It is equal to 8 quarts. Now here is the interesting part- the peppers in question are already pickled. I think there is more to this story than we are led to believe. I have always been under the impression that Peter is in the garden picking peppers because he was a good boy, but somehow these peppers are lost, leaving us to question the location of said peppers. But if we are talking about peppers that have been previously pickled, then they would have to be in one or more containers equaling a peck. So what was he doing picking so many previously pickled peppers? 07.31.2008    Zombie Walk This week the ComicCon is going on in San Diego. It is the one time of the year that adult people can dress up as all types of science fiction, fantasy, horror, super heroes, and random comic book characters, and get credit for it, not be scorned. You can't even get away with that on Halloween anymore. There are specific gatherings for certain subsets of these during the year in various parts of the country. One of my favorite is the ZombieWalk. This is where people dressed like zombies get together and hang out, discussing all the latest news and advances in zombiedom. If you had a physical deformity of any kind- it could only help you here. If you are missing an arm, you attach a little goo at the end of what you do have, and the costume is that much better. I tend to be a thinker. I think about situations before they happen, and in some small way I can consider myself prepared in case it ever happens. Well I have always thought that I would be ok killing (rekilling) zombies if I had to. There were already dead once, and they still should be. It was something unnatural that animated them again, so no harm in putting them back where they belong. And I can't be the only one with this mindset. You usually don't have too much time to react- you see a zombie you have to attack the head. That is how you kill them for good. So imagine you are in a new city on business or visiting friends or something. You aren't aware of all the strange festivals and group gatherings in town. You are just out walking the city streets at night, and you turn a corner, and here is a large group of zombies. You didn't know that it was the Richmond, Va Zombie Walk. So do you ask questions, or do you start in like any good horror movie? And imagine if one of the people in the walk started having medical problems, if you had a stroke during the walk, they would think you were just really committed to the role. You would never get medical attention. And if by some weird chance an ambulance did show up, if you couldn't talk it would take them forever to figure out what was actually wrong with you. They would see a gunshot wound, flesh hanging off, blood dripping from unknown sources... you would be dead by the time they figured out it wasn't anything external wrong with you. 07.31.2008    Presidential experience I'm not sure who would make a good president. It is a demanding job, and I doubt anyone ever starts out qualified for it. But I'm glad I don't have to hear any more about Hillary Clinton talking about her 'experience' that made her the best candidate for the job. If her being married to the president can be counted as experience, then she should surround herself with a cabinet of former first ladies. Then when the president of Iraq is having trouble getting his government to take control of the country, and Hillary no longer knows what to do- she can call Nancy Regan. She was married to the guy that told the Communists to "tear down that wall", and they did. Now she has experience. We should all write her in. If thats all it takes to be president, then maybe ... of forget it. How many closed door meetings does the president have where the wife and kids wouldn't have a chance of getting in? Maybe the president talks in his sleep, but does he listen? Hillary was pushing "her" healthcare plan for years when Bill was in office, and it never got approved. So she is going to try again without the guy who the country actually voted for? Hmmm- there seems to be a flaw in that logic. I guess eventually the people saw through that, and decided Obama had been saying less stuff they didn't like. It doesn't mean that he was saying anything they loved, just nothing they could put a finger on that was crazy. If being married counts as experience, then wives of pro athletes should be drafted more often. Bill Gates' wife should be made the next CEO of Micro$oft. When I'm not feeling well, I should be able to send my wife into work for me. She has been married to me for over 3 years now, she should be able to program a computer, and deal with all the client issues that might come up. Or maybe we will just find a temp that already knows how to do those things. previous next

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